Can I stop being poorly now?

Two weeks ago I got laser eye surgery. It knacked. It took nearly a week of sitting in a dark room to feel normal again. And by normal I mean “like someone wasn’t pouring shampoo into my eyes and rubbing it in”.

I then spent a week being like NO NO, MY EYES ARE FINE, PLEASE STOP SCREAMING IN HORROR AT THEM. They looked, in the words of Becks, like raspberry ripple ice cream. They go bloodshot because that’s how eyes bruise. Who knew? Also when you’re healing you can’t wear make up and you have to sleep in special goggles so you don’t get all that much rest. Basically I looked like a total babe.

Then this week I got ill. YEY. It started on Friday morning and got slowly worse while I was at work. You know when your colleagues start to say “Are you… ok?” and they really mean it? Like they’re worried you might pass out?

I ended up at home and in bed by 5pm, and I didn’t get out of bed until around that time the following day – and that was only because I realised I hadn’t drank in 24 hours. I missed the final day of Ref School with the Blitz refs. I assumed if I slept longer I would feel better and would be able to make their graduation on the Sunday. Matthew was in Newcastle (doing roller derby) so I just went back to bed to try and sleep it off.

I woke up with a huge puffy hamster cheek on the right hand side of my face. An allergic reaction to the mix of painkillers and sedatives I had taken to help fix myself. It made my eye go puffy. I totally freaked out.


(Awww. I think I look kinda cute. Also… look at those eyes. They can SEE things. Amazing.)

I missed the graduation and all of Sunday. Sunday night I decided to try eating for the first time since lunchtime Friday. I threw it up and felt instantly better. Weird huh?

It’s now Wednesday and I’ve only JUST got back to ACTUAL normal, so I’m now looking back at all the awesome stuff I missed the past few days…

Week 12. The final session of Ref School. After training new refs for (over) three months, it’s horrid to miss the final session because you can’t get out of bed. I asked if anyone else could take it but everyone had games on… so I put it to the trainees that actually, they could totally do this. Merri printed off a few copies of the lesson plan and our resident presentation-guru Xan took the session. To say I am proud is an understatement. I laid in bed grinning (in between the winces and incredibly lady-like swearing).


At the start of Week 12 I had arranged for the Blitz photographer to come take some headshots. She’d bought a new white screen for them and everything. The guys shared their stripes to make sure everyone looked the part, and you know what, I can see why parents give out school photos of their kids now. I was sent the photos first – to share with everyone – and I squealed. Their lovely faces, professional, striped up, looking excited at the reffing ahead of them. Argh. They’re so lovely.


Sadly, my fat face meant I couldn’t go to the graduation awards night, which is a bummer… since I asked for us to have one. Gayna came round to pick up the awards from me and drop off a fucking lush card and flowers (thankyou), and said she didn’t recognise me. THANKS FACE.


Klaire made some sexy certificates – one for every graduate, and then a couple of extras: Magic Moment, which went to Gaddy for her amazing abilities on “Stop me when I get to 10 foot”. Best Attendance, which went to Paul, Steve, Hayley and Karen who only missed ONE session each. Frick even I missed three of the bastards. Dedication right there guys! And finally, Most Improved, which went to Minx Dodd. She arranged with work to have time off to come to the sessions (which means probably working every weekend for the next year now, sorry Minx!), and really made the most out of her time. She asked so many questions, pushed herself every time we tried something new, and took on board all my feedback. I have heard great things about her reffing at the various scrims she’s been to since starting with us. Lovely to see someone throw themselves into it. I expect great things in the coming year.

It’s been fun doing this again. I assumed I would want to do it again with another league right after finishing this one, but I’m not so sure. I have really loved meeting people and watching them develop, but spending every Saturday teaching on top of all the other stuff I do is actually pretty tiring. I say this, knowing full well I have been contacted by another league that I will almost certainly end up travelling to teach on a semi-regular basis. Maybe this time I’ll agree to help facilitate Ref School, and not actually teach the full thing. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, congratulations graduates of 2016 <3